I Don't Know
by Tsar Bomba
Summary: Weird awkward short stories for a weird awkward romance. Pam/Angela.


Uh, okay so I've just started watching The Office with my girlfriend and like it a lot and was thinking to myself wow, mean blonde accountant and cute receptionist? Sign me up. Except there's like no Angela/Pam stuff in existence. So after sulking for a while I decided to do it myself in these weird, short little installments. This isn't what I usually write at and they aren't funny cause I'm not good at being funny but honestly this is as much a work as it is a request. Write more with this pairing. And message me if you do. Seriously. I'll read anything. Please.

* * *

Angela watched her stumble out the car with her trophy gripped tight in her hand, still happily babbling about the incredible whiteness of her sneakers. She watched her start the drunken stagger up the walkway to her little house and she waited and watched and shook her head and just as Pam was about to fall right down into the damp grass and make those sneakers not so white Angela was there to lean on. Pam kept listing to the side and giggling and this is why Angela hates office functions. No one there is capable of any sort of self-control.

Their faces were close and Pam's breath smelled like margaritas and queso and her eyes were lidded and dark in the murk and she held Angela possessively much like the way she was holding that stupid little trophy she was so proud of and Angela shivered a little even though it wasn't cold out.

* * *

Angela put another tally down for Pam Pong. 12 and it wasn't even lunchtime. When Jim walked back to his own desk to not get any actual work done she lifted her head over the cubicle wall and put another tally down and pointedly narrowed her eyes at Pam and the receptionist had at least enough self respect to look slightly ashamed. But when Jim walked back over and they put their heads together and whispered and giggled she was too distracted to notice that Angela's expression wasn't so much disapproval as it was something else.

[Angela, aside, to camera:] I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work. 'Flirt with the receptionist' isn't even a work-friendly game. This is an office, not whore island.

* * *

Angela wore a grey turtleneck today. Black skirt. Black heels. Delicate little necklace that accentuated her thin throat. The turtleneck hugged her small frame and the dark, somber colors complimented her light complexion and cornsilk hair and Pam thought she looked good. Pam didn't know why she thought this but she did and Angela finally caught her staring. Pam smiled and looked down at her screen blushing lividly and muttered that Angela looked pretty today. Angela's eyebrows pinched in and she said thank you in her tight voice that was affected with noticeable surprise and then blushed a little, which was totally not what Pam expected, and that was that.

[Pam, aside, to camera:] See, I'm just trying to be nice. I don't think she likes me. I mean, I know she doesn't like me. She's said it right to my face. Right after she called me a hussy.

* * *

A little bit of smoke in the breakroom and now they're all standing outside in their coats and their scarves and it's freezing and the men from the fire department are loitering around doing nothing and Jim is over with Katy the purse girl and Pam is trying not to glare or look too pathetic and wow this is terrible. The little trapped-on-an-island games aren't so fun anymore especially after Roy responded to "who would you do" with "that tight ass Christian chick" and Pam isn't sure if she's more mad about him saying that instead of saying Pam or if it's something else. Without noticing it she leans into the person next to her for warmth and Angela leans back and they look at each other for a second and look away and now it's not so terrible.

* * *

Jim's house is as messy as Angela expected and she sniffs, looking down her thin nose at the cup rings on the table, the dust, the stacks of boxes and magazines.

She's standing at the edge of the living room and Pam and Jim have gone off somewhere and she wants to leave. Michael crashed the party and is making a fool of himself at karaoke and everyone is distracted and now is as good a time as any to make her exit and as she spins around she runs right into something soft and warm and they fall back and no one notices and for a few moments she's lying on top of Pam, who's staring at her wide-eyes and flushed and it's too long before Angela finally shoves herself up and walks out the door, not daring to look back.

* * *

Pam walks outside to find Angela smashing Christmas ornaments. Secret Santa was a disaster and most everyone is still a little pissed off and finding the tiny accountant like this doesn't surprise her, what does surprise her is how she looks right now, hair falling out of her ponytail, eyes fiery and narrowed, throwing those little ornaments at the asphalt, flustered and mad and somehow reveling in the destruction. Angela looks up and blows a little strand of hair out of her face.

"What?"

"Can I try that?"

Angela eyes her with suspicion but passes her an ornament without a word. They watch the shards of green and red and gold light up and disappear. Angela says reluctantly that it looks kind of pretty and Pam glances at her and looks away and says yeah, it kind of does.

* * *

"So, June 10th."

"Yeah."

Pursed lips. Pam feels something akin to guilt and a little regret and she doesn't know why.

They're standing on the deck of the booze cruise. Roy went back in to get drinks and left them alone and now no one is saying anything and it's cold because a goddamn cruise in goddamm January doesn't make any sense but Pam realizes, looking at Angela and seeing how sad and bitter she looks that really nothing in this office makes any sense.

* * *

"Why'd you pull your hair back up?"

Angela is talking to her but not looking at her. Pam glances over and imitates the gesture by looking back at her keyboard. "Oh. I don't know."

She did know. She'd been talking to Kelly about her wedding, a topic that Angela hadn't mentioned since the booze cruise, and Michael had walked by and seen her hair down and called her a hot mama and it wasn't an experience that she cared to relive again.

"Oh. Well. It looked nice."

That was it. She never looked at her and that was the end of the conversation. Later Pam let her hair down again and walked by Angela's desk and she still didn't look up but Pam did spot the tiniest of smiles at the corner of her mouth, reserved and small but present, and the looks and comments she got from Michael and Kevin the rest of the day were somehow worth it.

* * *

Angela doesn't know what's happening. One minute this was a "women in the workplace" meeting, then it became an inappropriate albeit amusing discussion about Jan and Michael's "relationship," and now Pam is, carefully, pressing her ankle against Angela's and neither one seems ready to break contact. First her engagement then Jim's crush confession and now this but in spite of Angela's anger and annoyance and confusion this is happening and she isn't going to do anything to stop it.

[Angela, aside, to camera:] It isn't so bad. I held hands with other girls at Bible camp. We'd play with each other's hair, stuff like that. All good stuff. Not bad stuff. Nothing... gay.

* * *

Roses. Chocolates. A huge teddy bear and watermelon flavored edible underwear (gross). Just a few of the things that Phyllis got from Bob Vance for Valentines (double gross). Pam, for Valentines, is going to get what Roy called "the best sex of her life" which really just means that it's going to be normal sex with a little extra foreplay when all she wants are some stupid flowers.

It's during the middle of the day, when most everyone is at lunch, that Pam watches while Angela, with purpose, stands and strides over to Phyllis' vacant desk and grabs a single rose, thorns and all, and practically shoves it in Pam's face. "Here. I'm tired of watching you pout all day." She stands there a moment, a little blood on her fingertip, glaring at Pam and spinning on her heel to go back to her own desk. "You're welcome. Happy Valentines Day."

[Angela, aside, to camera:] Watching Pam look sad is like... watching some stupid little puppy be sad and I don't even like dogs that much but it's not like I'm some monster. I can feel bad for the stupid cute little puppy... What I did was the Christian thing. Okay? Stop asking me about it.

* * *

When Phyllis goes to the bathroom Pam walks over to her desk, ignoring Stanley's stare as she opens the box of chocolates and takes two dark truffles, Angela's favorite, and a bandaid from first aid and places them on Angela's desk, not saying a word. Angela looks at her, face stony even as Pam takes her hand and wraps the bandaid carefully around the tiny wound, feeling her own heart rate pick up and feeling Angela's skin go warm under her fingers and afterward she mumbles something like an apology and awkwardly goes back to her desk and they don't speak again the rest of the day.

* * *

Angela wasn't invited to Pam's wedding.

Of course, she didn't really want to go for reasons she wasn't comfortable with and she may have called Pam a hussy once or twice but she didn't mean it, she never did, and she was hurt and angry and Pam didn't seem to care.

Pam didn't invite her for reasons she didn't understand. Sure she had legitimate reasons but none of those were the actual reason and at the end of the day, after hours of Angela glaring and sighing and doing Angela things when Pam brought her her invitation it felt weird for the both of them but Angela shook it off by doing her Angela thing and saying the card wasn't her taste and Pam smiled a little in response and that was that.

* * *

Jim kissed Pam.

She saw it happen in the parking lot, outside the "casino", that huge stupid idiot kissing her and her kissing him back and goddamn it. Goddamn it.

Sorry God, but goddamn it.

* * *

Pam is at her desk. The office empty. Phone in her hand and her mom on the other end.

"Yeah. He's my best friend, but... No, it's not about him or Roy... I don't know. It's not him... I can't say who... I just can't yet mom."

* * *

[Pam, aside, to camera:] Oh, if I was a lesbian? I don't know. That's a weird question. Why are you asking me this? I called it off with Roy cause... it was complicated. Not because I'm gay. Not that being gay is bad. I just...

Pam sits there a beat, camera framing her face. She looks down at her hands and glances around. "I don't know. Someone pretty." Her eyes glaze over a bit. "Maybe a little mean. Domineering, blonde..."

Her eyes click up and her face goes red and the camera zooms over her shoulder to focus on Angela's back.

"Um. I really don't know."

* * *

"What about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."

"I don't know, maybe."

"I mean. I could see her with another woman. Couldn't you?"

Pam watches while Michael and Dwight whisper to each other behind Michael's blinds and they look at Angela and look at Pam and the expression on Dwight's face is horrifying and with a pang of fear Pam wonders how much they know and then she wonders what the hell she's talking about because there's nothing to know.

[Pam, aside, to camera:] Right?

* * *

**"**Oh my God! Are you so excited for tonight? I am so excited. You guys are going to click, I can feel it. So what are you wearing?"

Pam gestures with her hand at buttoned up shirt and her pale cardigan. "This."

Kelly's face falls and she quickly works it back into a weak smile. "So pretty!"

A slam makes them both jump. Angela just dropped a huge stack of folders on her desk and she's looking at everything save Pam but Pam can see her hands shaking from here. Kelly gives Angela a look and a huff and asks "what's the hell is her problem" and Pam pretends she doesn't know.

* * *

"Angela?"

She heard a sound on the other end of the line. A little scuffle and what sounded like an annoyed sniff before she responded. "What."

"Um. I'm really sorry for this but Kelly was my ride here and I guess she assumed I was going home with Alan cause she just... left... and I need a ride."

"You didn't sleep with him?"

The words came quickly and Angela's voice had an edge to it that surprised Pam and she shook her head against the phone. "No. No."

"I'm on my way."

* * *

"Yeah. I don't know. I didn't have a... love connection with him. He was kind of gross."

"Are you drunk?"

"No. I had one drink. I mean two."

Angela made that face. Pursed lips and dark eyes. Pam rolled her head to the side and looked at her and didn't say anything.

"I like the outfit you chose. For the date."

Pam looked down at her neutral but tasteful button-down and her neutral but tasteful cardigan and grinned a little and looked back at Angela who was watching the road with absolute, some would say excessive, concentration.

"Of course you do Angela."

* * *

Angela is sitting at her desk, typing and sulking and glaring. Pam walks over and stands behind her chair and watches her shoulders visibly tense. "Varsity Blues not for you?"

She relaxes, just slightly, still keeping her gaze at her screen. "You know I disapprove of Movie Monday."

"You disapprove of a lot of things."

Angela doesn't realize that Pam is teasing her and bristles.

"Come on. There's an extra chair in the back next to me. We can share my popcorn if you want."

Angela keeps typing, but slower and slower, til finally her fingers still. Without a word she stands and walks toward the conference room and Pam follows.

* * *

Pam hates when she cries. No matter how hard she tries to calm down afterward the signs are all still there. Puffy eyes, red splotches on her face, that look you just get when you've been sobbing in the women's bathroom because sometimes her failed engagement and shitty romantic life and her art woes and just everything gets a little overwhelming. She sniffs and Angela looks over and Pam accidentally meets her eyes and the look of sheer alarm and concern that crosses over Angela's face is almost comical but Angela says nothing, just gets up and walks out the door and leaves Pam staring after in open confusion.

45 minutes later she walks back in, something wrapped in white paper gripped in her hand. She puts it on Pam's desk. It's a soft pretzel.

"It's a soft pretzel. I got it plain cause I didn't know what you like on it and, you're welcome."

She walks off and Pam knows how long Angela would have had to wait in that line cause everyone loves soft pretzel day and suddenly can't remember what she was so sad about.

* * *

Pam walked out of the Divali dance hall into the entrance corrider, phone in hand and Angela leaning against the lockers, a big hunk of bread in her tiny hands.

"It's hot in there. How's the naan?"

Angela took a bite and chewed and said "dry" and took another bite. Mouth full of bread. "You looked like you were having fun in there."

"I am. You should come dance with me. Us. Dance with us."

Angela smiled, cheeks puffed out with naan. "I have to make sure no one steals our shoes." She glanced at two girls near them with scorn and Pam shook her head. Angela nodded her head at Pam's hand. "Who were you texting?"

She cancelled out a text that she had just been about to send to Angela. "No one."

* * *

Pam immediately decides she hates Karen and because of this doesn't care if she and Jim have a thing and that's that. Who cares that this ethnically ambiguous, beautiful coworker just rolled in and replaced her. And what the hell did she expect. Really. What did she think was going to happen.

She's getting mad and frustrated and she's making stupid typing mistakes and she is on the edge of really getting riled up when she looks over at Angela's computer and sees her looking at what appears to be a cat wearing a tiny cop outfit and she decides that if she could ever love something as much as Angela loves that weird bullshit that she'll be pretty well off.

[Pam, aside, to camera:] Karen, who?

* * *

[Pam, aside, to camera:] I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her. Problem is... I think by trying to be nice to Karen I was really crappy to Angela and... I didn't want that. She can just be so... tyrannical.

[Angela, aside, to camera:] Okay. Maybe I can be just slightly tyrannical about things like the Christmas party but it's only because I care, and the fact that that traitor Pam of all people went against me with that traitor and bad-idea machine Karen, it... it sucks. I mean, come on. Margaritas? Karaoke? Sounds like Christmas in hell.

There's only two people left at the Real Christmas Party and Angela can tell by the look in Phyllis' treacherous eyes that she's about to bail and really she doesn't care anymore. She thought Pam was her friend and she screwed her over so whatever. She doesn't care that much about this stupid party anyway... even though it's obviously better than theirs.

* * *

"Hey, Angela?"

She turns and looks at the two of them, open scorn on her face and something else that looked akin to sadness. "Oh, look who it is, the Grinch and her sidekick, the two demons that ruined Christmas for Jesus."

"I don't think..."

"Oh, shut up Karen.

Pam puts a hand on Angela's arm and she immediately relaxes. "What. What do you two want."

"Look, this is a great party. The snacks look awesome, the... nutcrackers... are great. What we're proposing is a merger."

"I don't know."

"We can't find the power cord for karaoke, do you know where it is?"

She looks hesitant but Pam gives her a look and somehow, it works and she produces the power cord, neatly wrapped, from behind the plastic tree right in front of the conference room while Karen and Pam look on incredulously.

"This one?"

* * *

"I'm sorry I went against you with Karen. That was crappy."

Angela stood next to her. Michael requested Rapper's Delight for karaoke and so that's what they're watching right now. Truly a Christmas miracle.

"I'm sorry I called you the Grinch's sidekick and a demon that ruined Christmas for Jesus. I didn't mean it."

"I know. It's okay."

In the end Angela didn't drink the margaritas, she didn't sing, and she spent most of the time trying to get people to use the creepy nutcrackers and glaring at the Benihana waitresses but she had fun and Pam was glad she was there.

* * *

"Something wrong?"

Angela flinches a little at Pam's voice and looks around and shakes her head quickly and looks back at her computer.

"Angela."

This time she jumps up and grabs Pam by the wrist and pulls her with her into the breakroom. "Angela? What's wrong. Why are your hands so sweaty."

"They aren't sweaty."

"What's wrong?"

"I forgot to send corporate some tax documents. They needed them by this morning and I forgot and its a big deal and-"

"Angela."

"They won't get there in time. I'm in trouble."

Pam gets an idea. Angela sees the look and asks what she's doing and Pam grabs her and kisses her cheek and says that she'll be right back.

* * *

"Where were you? You were gone almost two hours. Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"Angela. Listen. It's fine. I took the documents to corporate. It's all okay."

"You what?"

"Don't worry about it."

"But what about the front desk?"

"Kelly covered for me. Everyone was gone on sales calls anyway. It's no big deal."

This is the first genuine smile that Pam has ever seen Angela make and it's big and beautiful on her. Angela leans over the desk and kisses her on the cheek and Pam's return smile is so huge it's nearly painful.

* * *

"Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee?"

"The one with all the women?"

"Well, yes."

"Because I'm gay?"

She feels the tears coming. There's shame for what she said to Oscar, shame for being a hypocrite, shame for her own feelings and they're coming out now and she can't stop them. Oscar looks horrified. "No, no. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations-"

"Angela. Okay. It's okay. I'll join."

"Thank you. I'm sorry."

Kevin looks over the cubicle wall at her. "Can I join?"

"Never."

* * *

"Angela?"

"Oh. I'm sorry, here."

"Is everything okay?"

She looks up at Pam. She looks confused. Maybe even scared. "No."

[Angela, aside, to camera, after several minutes of silence:] I don't know what to do.

* * *

So, thanks to Michael thinking that separate but equal means that as long as everyone gets strippers that they're okay in the workplace, and thanks to Jim being an ass they've got Ben Frankin talking to them in the conference room. Not even male stripper Ben Franklin, just Ben Franklin, and they all heckle him a bit but really Angela looks like she's enjoying herself, history nerd that she is, and even though Pam doesn't want to admit it she learned a few things today and it was kind of worth it just to see Angela enjoy herself so much.

"I saw Ben Franklin flirting with you."

Pam didn't look up from her computer. "Oh, Gordon? Yeah, that was weird."

"What all did he say?"

"What, are you jealous?"

She looks up. Angela looks distressed and even a little angry. "Angela?"

"Yes. Yes I'm jealous." She walks off and Pam stares after.

"Angela?"

* * *

"Hey Angela."

"Oh, hi. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Pam had walked out there to be alone. The wedding inside was just the way she had imagined her's, with the flowers and the dress and the band and stupid Roy requesting their song and she guessed that Angela had walked out there to be alone too. "I can.. go back in."

"No, stay. Please."

"This is our song. Me and Roy. I mean, I liked it before he had ever heard it, he just took it."

"I like this song too."

They stand there for a little, Kevin bellowing "you were meant for me," and it's nice here standing with each other, and even though this isn't her wedding its a good wedding and she likes this song and that's enough. "Angela?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you dance with me? Just for this song?"

She steps toward her without a word, easily fitting between her arms. Pam isn't used to being the taller partner but they sway back and forth, hands carefully placed on each other's shoulders. Angela leans her head against the front of Pam's chest and Pam's arm falls around Angela's waist and this is right, and easy, and simple even though it really isn't. Even when this song ends they keep dancing for the next one, and the next one, relaxing into each other and forgetting reality, and they both jump when someone inside shouts that Phyllis is about to throw the bouquet. They both stand there, still lightly holding the other, silent and nervous.

"We should... we should go back inside."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Okay."

Angela starts to pull away, the sensation of separation is crappy and feels bad and just as she's about to ask if they can just stay out here a little longer Pam leans forward and takes her lips and kisses her, and the kiss is hard and insistent and wonderful and no, no they aren't gonna go back inside just yet.

* * *

Okay, so I stopped here cause Phyllis' wedding is the last episode I've seen which is unfortunate but whatever. Maybe I'll add onto this. Don't know yet. Thanks for reading, sorry for it not being all that good. Goodnight!


End file.
